it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
