hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
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he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
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My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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