Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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