I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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