put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
