i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
