Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
