sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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