Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
