Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
