Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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