TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
