TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
4 words: hood of his car
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
