i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
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