There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
