One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
