Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
