can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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