was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
