Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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