I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
