I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize