it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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