I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
