My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
