enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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