Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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