Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
