i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
