I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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