I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
