masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
