I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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