I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
