the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
