Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
