I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
