i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
