sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
