Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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