had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize