turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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