Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
