she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
