After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
