hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
