My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
