I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
