I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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