I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
