I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
