Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
