I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK