um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
When are your genitals available?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?