last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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