i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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