Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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