i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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