Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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