I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
