You just made me feel so damn special
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
We need to get me chipped asap
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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