70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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