And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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